But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I AM VODKA MAN
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
