so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
