UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
