The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
