So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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