i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
