Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
