R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize