R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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