only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize