why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
