I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
