I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
