Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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