It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
