Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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