I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
