I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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