Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
