Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
