Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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