I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
