I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
