I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
