she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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