Where are you?
In a non slutty way
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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