I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
