Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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