you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
