: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize