I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just had sex on a roof
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i think im in europe. pls send help
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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