What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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