It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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