New invention idea: vibrating tampons
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
