Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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