He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
