STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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