i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
should my penis look like a turkey
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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