My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
