Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
