Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
