I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
