still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
