I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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