omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize