what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
