Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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