so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
