Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
