Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
