Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
