Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
