I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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