Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
