I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
