Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
