How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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