Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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