So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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