I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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