how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize