i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
