Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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