I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
