i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
