Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
