no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You don't make any sense
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