So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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