If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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