Me. At least after what I've been through.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
