So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
